Trap #1: I Need to Be Liked
Leadership Lies We Sometimes Believe
“If you want to please everyone, don’t be a leader. Sell ice cream.” — Steve Jobs
The Trap: Leaders Must Be Liked
One of the most common leadership lies is this: leaders must be liked to lead.
It sounds harmless—even noble. Who doesn’t want to be liked? I want to be liked. But when leaders chase universal approval—what I call approval addiction—they sacrifice clarity, conviction, and courage. Instead of leading, they start pleasing.
This is especially tempting for those whose love language is words of affirmation—like me. But when approval becomes the focus, decisions lose clarity, vision weakens, and the mission drifts. In the end, people don’t need us to please them—they need us to lead them.
The Truth: Respect Over Popularity
The truth is this: leadership is built on respect, not on being liked by all. Respect is earned through consistency, integrity, and conviction—not by trying to make everyone happy.
Every leader faces resistance. And every great leader has had their critics. Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Rosa Parks, Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, Nelson Mandela, Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs, Tom Brady, and Caitlin Clark. Each of them redefined their place in the arena—politics, civil rights, government, business, or sports. And they all had detractors.
What mattered wasn’t being liked by everyone. What mattered was standing firm in principle, leading with clarity, and showing courage when it counted. Their legacy wasn’t built on popularity—it was built on conviction.
Your Challenge
Stop chasing approval. Anchor yourself in principle. Choose respect over popularity.
Remember: leadership is caught more than taught. Show yourself to be three things: competent, courageous, and compassionate (I unpack the 3Cs in my book Face the Mountain).
When you practice the 3Cs consistently, you’ll lead with greater confidence—and you’ll discover the right people rally around you, not because you pleased them, but because you led well.
One of the biggest lies in leadership is this: leaders must be liked by everyone.
It sounds harmless—even noble. Who doesn’t want to be liked? I want to be liked. But when leaders chase universal approval—what I call approval addiction—they sacrifice clarity, conviction, and courage. Instead of leading, they start pleasing.
This is especially tempting for those whose love language is words of affirmation—like me. But when approval becomes the focus, decisions lose clarity, vision weakens, and the mission drifts. In the end, people don’t need us to please them—they need us to lead them.
The truth is this: leadership is built on respect, not on being liked by all. Respect is earned through consistency, integrity, and conviction—not by trying to make everyone happy.
Every leader faces resistance. And every great leader has had their critics. Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Rosa Parks, Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, Nelson Mandela, Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs, Tom Brady, and Caitlin Clark. Each of these leaders redefined their place in the arena—politics, civil rights, government, business, or sports. And they all had detractors.
What mattered wasn’t being liked by everyone. What mattered was standing firm in principle, leading with clarity, and showing courage when it counted. Their legacy wasn’t built on popularity—it was built on conviction.
Each post in the Leadership Lies We Sometimes Believe series tackles a common leadership lie and the truth behind it. Hope you’re enjoying the series.
Next up: “Leaders must always have a perfect plan”
Want the full picture? Start with the series opener: